What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
