addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
