i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
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Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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