I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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