I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
