i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
