Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize