There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
