I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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