I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
