highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
