Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
