so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
