Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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