I skipped work to stalk him.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
