Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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