Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
