I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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