youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
