I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
