Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
