I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
