I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
