I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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