How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
