i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
