If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
