i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
