Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
