Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
