brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
