i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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