I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
