I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
