I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
