The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
