Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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