Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
