I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
