she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
