we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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