I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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