I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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