We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
