Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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