Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
