So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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