I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
