I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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