I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I could make wine with my vomit
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
