The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
