you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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