My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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