You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
