dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
