A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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