She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
